Anger can be productive

Okay, sometimes it is healthy to vent. Not attack others, but just put out there what is bothering you for all to see – with the hope that if it applies to any one particular person, they get it. Well, guess what, folks? Its vent time.

This is about no one or nothing specific. Just multiple things over the past few days that have slowly been building up to another “get your attention” blog. So if any or all of this touches you – that’s fantastic. If you think I had you in mind when I wrote this – I just might have. If it helps ONE PERSON – my job is successful.

Judgement. For anyone who doesn’t know, I hate judgement. Most who judge do not have all the facts, so then they fall into presumption, first cousin to assuming, and we all know the old saying about what happens when you assume. Sick people get judged all the time. Lets look at some common judgements or assumptions or misconceptions:

  • See, Great Aunt Jane had {insert illness of choice here}, and all her hair fell out, and she threw up all the time, and she smelled bad, and she died two weeks after the doctors did surgery to supposedly make her better, so there is NO WAY you have {insert same illness as previously inserted}.
  • Well, you know that she had to do SOMETHING wrong while she was pregnant, birth defects don’t just HAPPEN without a reason.
  • I thought that John was dying – why is he at the mall????
  • Of course, since he hasn’t gone to church in years, it only makes sense he would get punished.
  • Well, you know that she wasn’t married when she had that baby, so it only makes sense that it wouldn’t be normal.
  • If you would just get out and walk every day, you would get better.
  • If you would only shower on odd days, your skin will clear up.
  • You are too young to have a terminal illness.
  • You are the wrong (gender, race, religion, sexual orientation) to have {fill in the blank}.
  • You don’t LOOK sick! (an all time favorite)
  • You don’t ACT sick!

I could do this for days. You know the ones. Go back through past blogs of mine – I’ve hit this subject before. But this time its a tad different. This time it’s about treatments, and funding.

We have a serious problem, folks. I don’t care what your political affiliations are, or your monetary income. In the past 72 hours, these things have been in my Facebook news feed (in no particular order)

  • A teenage girl was sent home to die from her brain tumor
  • A friend is having to deal with a memorial for her 27-year-old son who passed away
  • Another friend was told that her mother, who has Alzheimer’s, was not a candidate for the Alzheimer’s floor at a nursing facility
  • Multiple friends are waiting for medical tests to know if they will have to go round 2 (or 3, or 4, or more) with serious illnesses
  • Another friend was told there was an Oops last week, and she really is in remission
  • And last, but not least as it is the match that touched off the flame, a convicted murderer in California, who killed his wife, is being allowed to have a sex change while serving life without possibility of parole because he cannot live with being a man anymore – and a federal judge said the prison system must pay for it for his “peace of mind”

Okay, show of cyber hands here – how many of you are cancer patients, or family or caregivers of cancer patients, or others with life threatening illnesses, who cannot get treatment that you need to save, prolong, or improve the quality of your life because there is no funding???? Yeah, I thought so. I see quite a few of you. Well, if you look at the last notation up there – all you need to do is go to prison!!!! If they will pay for a sex change – elective surgery for all insurance programs I was able to find – then your cancer surgery should be hands down covered. Now, if whatever treatment you need will save your life – don’t do anything to keep you in prison any longer than it will take to get your health back. You can also go to school while you are there, and have a whole new career on tap when you get out.

Facetious??? You betcha. Reality? Yep – you betcha. Are you in shock yet? I am. And I am mad. I have friends – people whom I care for, and care about – who are dying. Why? Because they cannot afford treatment that would save them. Because they cannot follow doctors orders and stay in bed for 2 weeks after major surgery, because they will lose their house if they lose that much pay. I have more friends who have issues with quality of life – because they have to choose between the more healthy meal choices, and the ones they can afford because they need to pay the light bill. Look around you – you have these friends and family members too.

Last blog I challenged you to be resolved. This one carries a bigger challenge. Be compassionate. Don’t even presume to know or determine how someone with cancer, arthritis, lupus, MS, leukemia, depression, fibromyalgia, a handicapped spouse or child, or any other myriad of diseases should look, or act. If you care about them and want to help them, be supportive. Be happy when they have a good day. Be there for them when they have a bad day. Ask what they need for you to do for them – be it talk on the phone, take the kids for an hour, wash a load of clothes, mop a floor, come play cards – whatever. Don’t wait for an invitation – it’s not coming. Someone dealing with an illness doesn’t need to have to ask. You should ask first. If you get turned down – make sure the invitation stays open. Most importantly, if there is any way you can, if your friend or family member asks you for help, try to do it. You don’t know just how hard it was for them to admit they needed you to help – if you continually shoot them down (or offer excuses) they will quit asking, and when you offer they will refuse whether they need you or not. If you don’t think someone looks or acts sick enough – butt out of their life. They don’t need you judging how they should be, and you need to go find a class in compassion 101.

What it boils down to is simple. Being sick is NOT easy. Making it look easy is even harder.

I hope my anger impels you to action – thank you for your time reading my rambling, and feel free to share if you like.

This entry was posted in anger, awareness, cancer, compassion, death, depression, diabetes, disability, family, friends, humor, illness, judgement, life, lupus, major illness, malignant neoplastic disease, myths, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Anger can be productive

  1. zippyrose says:

    EXCELLENT…I don’t have to tell you that this one really hits home, Margie. You saw my rant tonight, and you’ve read my blogs in the past. You know me as I know you. But, there are so many others in desperate situations who genuinely need help. To not lend a hand or an ear is one thing, but to make a person’s life even more miserable is inexcusable. Thank you for writing this. Awareness is key, and you hit a home run this time!


  2. Pingback: Anger can be productive | Journey to the Sun

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